QUESTIONS NOBODY ASKED BUT I STILL ANSWERED [ADULTING RANT PART 2]

 Well, don’t you have a five-year plan?

A five-year plan? Listen, I’m just trying to keep my head above water for five days. I mean, do politicians even have five-year plans anymore?  The only consistent plan I have is to open Netflix at night and contemplate why I have to pay for it every month when I barely make it past 10 PM without dozing off.

"Kal ho naa ho…" 🎶 – that’s my philosophy on my five-year plan

 

So, what’s your problem with adulting, exactly?

Oh, where do I even start? Adulting is like that Bollywood horror movie – you walk in thinking, “How bad can it be?” And then BOOM, life hits you harder than Gabbar’s laugh echoing through Ramgarh. No one told me my paycheck would feel more like a guest appearance than a starring role. I thought I was signing up for the “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” kind of life, but this feels more like “Darr.”

"Ajeeb daastan hai yeh... kahaan shuru kahaan khatam..." 🎶

 

Isn’t the struggle worth it if you reach your dreams?

Ah, dreams. Adulting taught me that “chasing your dreams” is just a pretty way of saying “paying rent for a life you barely have time to enjoy.”.It’s like the Sholay dialogue – “Jo darr gaya, samjho marr gaya.” But in my case, it’s “Jo broke gaya, samjho woke gaya.”


 Do you regret growing up then?

Regret? Let’s just say if I could, I’d go back in time and demand a refund on my adulthood. I thought I’d have a life full of romance, mystery, and a dash of DDLJ heroics. Instead, it’s full of deadlines, headaches, and an unending suspense over whether my fridge has food or just yesterday’s takeout.  

                   Adulting is all DDLJ except you find out that nobody’s waiting for you at the train station – they’re too busy catching up on sleep! 


Aren’t you just overthinking it?

Me? Overthink? Of course not. Except, maybe I am. But what if I’m not? Or maybe I am? Or maybe overthinking is a natural part of life? Being an adult is just this constant loop of “Did I remember to…” and “What if I forgot to…” Adulting is a subscription to infinite mental tabs that stay open no matter how many times you try to close them. If I could shut off my brain, I would. But then, that would lead to another overthinking episode about why I shut off my brain in the first place. See the struggle?


But isn’t adulting the real adventure?

If by adventure you mean the daily gamble of, “Will I make it through today without a crisis?” then yes, adulting is a thrill ride. It’s like being on a rollercoaster you never asked to board – the highs are brief, the lows are intense, and half the time, you’re wondering who designed this mess. “Adventure” used to mean trying new things; now it just means trying to survive the day without misplacing my sanity


Isn’t adulting also about learning to say no?

Oh, I can say no – to plans, parties, and anything that requires effort. But can I say no to that voice in my head that says, “stay up late” or “maybe you don’t need to do laundry today”? Nope. I can say no to social events, but I can’t say no to watching an entire season of something mediocre just because everyone else is watching it. Ironically, I’m way better at saying “no” to fun than to the responsibilities I know I’ll regret putting off.


Maybe you’re just not handling it right. Can’t you just… grow up?

Sure! Let me just pop over to the “adulting” counter and order a large combo of “I-know-exactly-what-I’m-doing.” Growing up is more confusing than those Hollywood time-travel movies, where no one knows what’s happening, but everyone’s still stressed. Seriously, I thought I’d be a superhero by now. Turns out I’m just Peter Parker before he got bitten. 


 Isn’t that what everyone goes through?

Yes, but why is no one talking about it?! It’s like Bollywood nepotism – everyone knows it exists, no one wants to address it. The people who say “Adulting isn’t that hard” probably have trust funds or those rare jobs with “flexible hours.” Meanwhile, I’m sitting here like “Saath samundar paar main tere peechhe peechhe aa gayi” … but it’s my problems that keep following me, not me chasing my dreams!


But, surely, there’s some upside to adulting?

Upside? Hah! That’s like asking if there’s an upside to getting a math paper you didn’t study for. But if there is a silver lining, it’s the small victories. Getting up before your third alarm, finding a good deal on groceries, or paying the electricity bill on time – because in this chaotic world, it feels like winning the national lottery.

        “Kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yun hi koi apna lagta hai…” 🎶 – usually, it’s the Wi-Fi.


 Isn’t it fun to finally be in control of your own life?

“Control,” you say? Oh sure, I control exactly nothing. I thought adulting was about being the captain of your own ship, but it feels more like being the sidekick to my responsibilities, trying to keep my life from sinking like the Titanic. Let’s be real – the only things I can control are how many times I re-watch Dil Chahta Hai to pretend life is an endless Goa trip and whether I choose Maggi or bread 

"Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho, kya gham hai jisko chhupa rahe ho" 🎶 

 

Why not just live for the weekend, then?

Oh, that’s cute! Living for the weekend is like waiting for the IPL finals every day – all buildup, no reward. By the time Saturday rolls around, I’m too tired to even think about socializing. Gone are the days of staying up all night. Now I’m in bed at 10 PM with my phone, scrolling through memes about adulting struggles. 


Don’t you find adulting a bit empowering?

Empowering? Ha! I think I missed the “empowerment” memo. Adulting feels about as empowering as Arjun Rampal’s villain role in Om Shanti Om – it’s all an illusion. I thought adulting would be more like standing on a mountaintop, shouting, “I did it!” I’m not empowered; I’m exhausted, perpetually confused, and looking at every toddler in envy because they get naps.


So, any tips on surviving this uncharted adult life?

Here’s my foolproof plan: Just do what our politicians do – deny everything, give vague answers, and promise yourself things you’ll never actually do. Aim for “Parle-G and chai” levels of satisfaction and you’ll never be disappointed.




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